For this piece of writing I have focussing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to: -
- use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
- use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses) (Year 7/8
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal
The bush ride
As the engine roared into life Shaun started riding round. Then he saw his mate Dan going over the hill out of control. Shaun had a Honda CRF 450 and Dan had a KTM SX 450. They arrived at the start of the Mackley river track near denniston they turned on to the track the track and started riding along.
They pulled up at the first turn off the main track was one way and the track to Stockton so they turned right and that was the track. They found to the highest part and there was a turn off. They turned left thinking it was the track but it wasn't. They kept going and then there was another turn-off and they went right and the track was tight and the got lost... They stopped and decided to build a fire.
Shaun said “We are very close to water” so they checked around and they discovered a little creek so they built a fire and also they made a hut from bushes and sticks. The next morning the boys got on their bikes and rode around looking for a track after a while they found a river and they rode along the bank looking for anything. They found an old hut that had heaps of stuff in it.
They spotted some guns and they went hunting the saw a huge boar charging at them… So Shaun got the gun and shot It was that big that both of them had to carry it. They build a fire and they gutted the boar and then they cooked it.
In the morning they built a help sign and they created as much smoke as they could with the fire. Later that day a helicopter was flying around and it spotted the smoke and it landed and picked Shaun and Dan up. They got home and they were very relieved that they were home.